2020... it was supposed to be better than this...

So 2020 dawned as a new decade, one that I was filling with hope and desire to move forward and grow and learn more...
Ray came home on New Year's day and I thought- silly me... that everything was in place and was going to go smoothly... but as with all the best laid plans, it was not meant to be... I struggled to get him the correct home care and ostomy care so we could, together, learn the best way to take care of his new lifelong buddy... It took forever to get that in place, but we finally have products that really seem to be effectively working and leaking MUCH less frequently... Just in time for the PANDEMIC and the social distancing orders and shelter in place orders to begin flowing in... March 15th was Ray's birthday and we had to celebrate via facebook instant messaging with my family... his sister barely even acknowledged his birthday- i know, she's busy...
Work with face covering and gloves... stress beyond words- but I am able to put it into words, and I AM coping so much better than I used to.
I have started a small cottage business with ColorStreet Nails- the opportunity was presented before but the time was right at the end of January and I jumped in with my eyes open and have been working the business and generally enjoying my time meeting the new people that have entered my life as a result- a positive, uplifting group of women.
Ursula has moved from Bayside to Smithtown- I think we have lost her to Ellen- that will be a bit of a challenge for both Ray and I .
My family has found Facebook Messenger and Zoom which have allowed us to communicate as a group at least once each week- it has been awesome for me.
I have rejoined the running world- though again have to build my speed and endurance.   TV has fallen by the wayside.

the dump post...

OMG  what a year... Ray spent most of 2019 in hospital, rehab, and very little of the year actually at home... which changed in the middle of the year from The Anchorage to  The Mews... it was an exhausting year but an immense year for growth and learning. There were a ton of tears, a ton of work, and so much to learn that it created a new person out the back end... I learned that I MUST take care of myself in order to take care of anyone else..I learned that I am stronger than I ever thought possible... I found out how to ask for help, and I have continued to utilize that skill more effectively though I don't really like asking. I learned who my true friends are and who was just using me for the moment- there were MANY who fell into the second group. That, I was surprised to learn.
I cried more tears that I thought was humanly possible... I had more periods of sheer panic than I thought I could outlast.  I made more waves in the hospital than I wanted to but all in the service of being Ray's voice when he could not effectively speak for himself...
I started taking an antidepressant for the first time- it really seems to assist me in dealing with the lows and managing the anxiety that used to almost paralyze me... I have a therapist- the second one- who I trust and share with and I am more open with my family that I have been ever in the past...
I started a job at Lowe's and I truly feel like it is the right fit.. people who care and ask about me, and I feel like they actually want to know.
The new place whee we live is a much more private space and it is unlikely that I will ever recreate some of the joy that was felt in the years following Sandy at the Anchorage- but things there got out of control- some of it my doing- the stealing... and some of it because everyone was in everyone else's business and the boundaries that should have existed were erased.

Reflecting on 2019

So, the new year, 2020 has begun and I’m looking back at 2019 with a stronger heart and a better , clearer head.   2019 was a year of struggle and change.   It is a year of some things I am not proud of  and many things I am very proud of.   Ray struggled mightily in the physical and emotional realms this year.  I was right there alongside him. I learned to navigate some things I didn’t want to navigate.  Our healthcare system is extremely flawed and unfortunately we experienced that first hand over the past ten months.  There are some amazing people that work in our health care system and I have been lucky to find some of them...
two hospitals, two rehabilitation centers...
a new home...
Stronger family connections...
 A good therapist, and for the first time in my life medication to help me with anxiety...
Learning to ask for and accept help have been a difficult transition for me.
I have fallen down, but I am now back on my feet and standing stronger as we head into the next decade.

The struggles are real.

So, here we are four years and then some past Sandy and there are so many still out there struggling.

I continue to work with Friends of Freeport.  As a result of my work with Friends of Freeport I have made some amazing connections- with those who have become fast friends, and with those who have connections within their won circles. Every day I see some forward movement in my local area- so many houses being lifted- knowing that at least some of the funding for those lifts comes from grants provided by NY Rising lifts my heart... but my own development can't seem to get a penny from that program- 160 families, jumping through hoops since we initially applied- can you imagine 160 people being willing to open their doors for inspections not one, not two, not three but 4 times????? It was/is nothing short of amazing, and yet there is more wanted before funds are disbursed....
the community continues to have plumbing issues, leaky windows, doors and garages...
Taxes in the village have not increased, yet our taxes have gone up- really? Squeezing a stone, that's what we have been doing, and what will continue to be done...

Personal struggles continue as well... wishing that this too would ease and that forward motion was more rapid and consistent.  Thank goodness for those in my support system who lift and hold me when I can't do it for myself...I dare not imagine where I would be without these super people.
I smile on the outside when I am often not feeling that smile, but with those special individuals I can let the walls crumble and let the tears, sadness and anger out...and then I reconstitute and move on to the next challenge. I have made a commitment to myself to train and run a half marathon, so running is back in my daily routine and it is a wonderful buddy that helps keep me focused, I can't wait to see my progress.

Three years, it's almost three years

Almost three years have passed and there remains so much to do... so many seem to have moved on and left others in the dust behind them. Those who continue to need assistance are truly struggling for their lives and many don't know where to turn.

I am blessed to have been able to move forward. So much work remains in the community,  there are so many homes that have not been completed and asking for help is a HUGE risk to those homeowners- they fear being judged, or being let down yet again... It is hard to imagine that in this prosperous country that many could be left behind.

Three years ago we were readying to evacuate, being told that an enormous storm was approaching, and that we were in peril.  We understood the danger, to a degree but never expected the outcome. For us the six months that followed were a nightmare, many remain stuck in that nightmare.

Quantum of the Seas

Quantum of the Seas Inaugural Cruise 11/14-11/16

O M G               

The day has arrived- two years in the making… we are finally on our way to Port Liberty to embark on our journey to nowhere!  Thank you Rachel Ray and also to the person who nominated Friends of Freeport to be part of the first ever Thanks for Giving show. 

As we approach the port the excitement is huge within the car- four of us, joining the others… check in is really quick in spite of the fact that two of our party do not have the requisite “Set Sail” pass…

Find your cabin, unpack and start this journey!

Wrist band on, phone/camera charged and off we go…

Find IFLY so we can learn how to do s simulated sky dive…  no sign up but wait here and maybe you can give it a go- so, wait we do, and fly we do!  Watch a short video and learn the hand signals you will need to communicate with the instructor inside the tube… chin up, legs straight legs, bent, relax…. Sure- easy for you to say…suit up in your flight suit, ear plugs, helmet and goggles… walk up the stairs   and…fly I do and it was quite fun

Then back through the legs of Priscilla- or is her name Felicia (still don’t know… oops!) the huge and kind of creepy pink sculptured bear that sits on the outside upper deck of the ship…

See Alison and Kurt’s state room- that’s one big state… lol

Wander the ship, meet and eat, and DRINK!

Devinly Delicious – restaurant and bar with “light” cuisine… some real yum!

Windjammer buffet- miles of food- all sort of things at each meal time.

American Icon Restaurant- a five star restaurant on board.   There are many others including Rocco DiSpirito, Johnny Rocket, Chic, Silk, Izumi, numerous little spots to get innovative and awesome food!  And many many bars where we can sample many amazing drinks- all free on this inaugural cruise!

Then on to the inaugural ceremony- in attendance are a family from Make a wish foundation, all the captains of ships on the line, the COO of the line, Kristin Chenowith, drummers on the wall, an earth harp…

It’s almost time to depart- it’s dark and the sky line of NYC is sparkling…  we cruise past Lady Liberty.. a toot of the horn in memoriam in front of the Freedom Tower and away we go…we’re underway and it is magical!

Dinner and the comic, then a Journey cover band and the piano bar with an awesome keyboard player… and then it’s lights for Shari.

Up before dawn and to the gym- odd to ride a bicycle on a ship that is rolling with the waves, feels like I have to balance a stationary bike and that’s quite difficult… the elliptical calls as the sun begins to rise… coffee and a shower and then the day can begin for me!

Wandering the ship once again- let me find out about the “Northstar” something of a gondola that rises three hundred feet above the sea water, and moves in a 180 degree arc above the ship- glass walls and not a problem for this woman with fear of heights- I promise fellow passengers that I will not scream and keep my promise- chatting quietly to myself and video-recording the entire journey.

Breakfast/lunch with Patti and more shipboard wandering with a brief stop at the stores to shop and peruse the bounty available to passengers.

A drink at the pool-side bar and off to Mama Mia- Broadway on board… Very well done!

Then a return to the Northstar with the group.

Quick- change your clothes it’s 6 pm and dinner starts at 630 in the American Icon Restaurant where Baldwin serves Freeport@! (Baldwin is the name of our waiter…) Food is fantastic..

Next to the music hall so we can listen to some music, sing and dance and have a libation or two…

Time’s up, bedtime for Shari

Awake to try to see us go under the Verranzano Narrows Bridge- oops, missed that, but I watch as the ship is expertly parallel parked by the captain.

Journey over and it’s been wonderful but WAY to short!!!

Home again!

Two Years....can it really be two years?

OMG
We are planning two year anniversary... Mini-Golf for the kids during the day, Social gathering in the evening...
Press conferences galore...
A two year anniversary piece on the news...

I cannot believe two years have passed and there are still people who are struggling with their homes, and with the government assistance programs- still not running smoothly...

So many have moved on with their lives- I knew that would happen, and I experienced it personally as we lived out of our home for six months.  Those not personally affected moved into the next part of their lives, but those who are still struggling cannot move on.... I continue to work with grassroots organization to assist in the process of rebuilding, and my heart hurts for those who are still struggling. Wishing I had a magic wand to help those people... The only magic I have is a helping hand, a listening ear and an open heart.

Let us not forget, even as we move forward in our own lives, that struggles continue.  Let's be kind to others.  Find your place in the world!