OMG what a year... Ray spent most of 2019 in hospital, rehab, and very little of the year actually at home... which changed in the middle of the year from The Anchorage to The Mews... it was an exhausting year but an immense year for growth and learning. There were a ton of tears, a ton of work, and so much to learn that it created a new person out the back end... I learned that I MUST take care of myself in order to take care of anyone else..I learned that I am stronger than I ever thought possible... I found out how to ask for help, and I have continued to utilize that skill more effectively though I don't really like asking. I learned who my true friends are and who was just using me for the moment- there were MANY who fell into the second group. That, I was surprised to learn.
I cried more tears that I thought was humanly possible... I had more periods of sheer panic than I thought I could outlast. I made more waves in the hospital than I wanted to but all in the service of being Ray's voice when he could not effectively speak for himself...
I started taking an antidepressant for the first time- it really seems to assist me in dealing with the lows and managing the anxiety that used to almost paralyze me... I have a therapist- the second one- who I trust and share with and I am more open with my family that I have been ever in the past...
I started a job at Lowe's and I truly feel like it is the right fit.. people who care and ask about me, and I feel like they actually want to know.
The new place whee we live is a much more private space and it is unlikely that I will ever recreate some of the joy that was felt in the years following Sandy at the Anchorage- but things there got out of control- some of it my doing- the stealing... and some of it because everyone was in everyone else's business and the boundaries that should have existed were erased.
No comments:
Post a Comment